Richard and Michelle broke up a year ago after just two years of living together. Michelle was a dishwasher in a small cafeteria while Richard was not employed and took care of their baby girl. Their marriage at first seemed successful. Michelle worked the whole day and Richard cheerfully waited for her return, sat the table and attended to her needs when she was at home.
Their misunderstanding started at the insinuation of their neighbors. They told Richard that it is unusual for Michelle to wear makeup and use perfume when she only worked as a dishwasher. His neighbors’ ideas seemed like poison, and every night his wife came home, he began to observe her and gave meanings of the way she acted, thinking that his neighbors could be right. Michelle might have another guy!
The suspicion lingered on until one night, Richard accused Michelle of dating with another guy and Michelle, who was tired enough shouted back and said yes. That ended their marriage.
Michelle confided that she said yes because she was tired and exhausted enough to reason with Richard. She explained that wearing a make up is a house rule.
So you see, marriage could end just because of useless things!
Being dishonest would hasten marriage to end. It creates distrust, discontentment and uncalled-for thoughts. If honesty has to be attained, then an open, encouraging and positive communication between the husband and wife must be established. Just take note, the couple must learn the ability to start a conversation and end it as well.
Communication experts had cited the following types of communication that are present in marriage:
The Discussion Type- This type of communication gives a real opportunity for the couple to look at issues and resolve them with open minds. It allows in-depth discussion, identify the various factors that affect marriage and come up with the needed solution.
The Confrontational Type – This type of discussion is started by a fight, proceeds with a fight and ends up with nothing. Usually, it triggers minds to close and eliminates the ability to be heard. The case of Richard and Michelle is one example of the confrontational type. Richard went as far as accusing his wife, and Michelle in fighting back said yes, which triggered the break up.
The Non-Confrontational Type – This is a deadlock. The party will just do nothing and say nothing. It never starts an argument, but will never resolve either. The danger is that anger may just linger until it explodes.
In addition, it is important for the couple to validate information. This means asking the real issues and seeks confirmation. Most often, ignoring to validate issues will not completely put an end to a conflict. Example, if you heard that your wife went to the park and happened to meet someone, then ask her. Don’t be afraid to hear confirmations that hurt.
Marriage cannot survive if problems are not discussed and resolved completely. Of the above, the validating type in resolving conflicts is very much effective. However, please remember that the validating type will be corny to other couples for this will entail an in-depth discussion and confirmation. Questions like do you really love me, why are you in deep thoughts, am I the one you are thinking, and many others are the main subjects.
What is important is that both spouses must strive hard to attain a lasting marriage.