One of the greatest problems in marriage is having a self-centered espouse. This creates problems because you have to understand your spouse even though it is against your will.
A break-up in marriage is usually provoked by the “I” factor which could mean any of the following:
®I am the one working….
®I am the head of the family…..
®I want you to obey me….
®I want you to do this….
®I married you because …..
®I like you at the start because….
®I don’t expect you to be ………
®I can survive even without you …….
®I cannot allow this marriage to go on……..
®And many other ways of putting you the “I” in the family.
If allowed to continue the statements, it may become like this:
®I am the one working, hence I have a say how to spend my money.
®I am the head of the family so I will make the decision.
®I want you to obey me, I know what is best for you.
®I want you to do this because this is right.
®I married you because I know you will become a good wife/husband, so don’t fail me.
®I like you at the start because you were kind, but now, you are quarrelsome, etc.
®I don’t expect you to disappoint me.
®I can survive even without you, just leave the house.
®I cannot allow this marriage to go on, we have to separate ways.
For sure, if you have these lines, your marriage smells trouble.
If the “I” could result to break-up in marriage, the same “I” could attain a lasting marriage. It is only a matter of changing the mood to become like these:
®I am the one working, please do the budgeting.
®I am the head of the family and I badly need your opinion.
® I want you to obey me, we have already discussed this thoroughly and we agreed of the right course of action.
®I want you to do this because this is right, but in the event I am wrong, please feel free to tell me.
® I married you because I know you will become a good wife/husband, and my trust in you remains.
®I like you at the start because you were kind, but now, you are quarrelsome Can we sit and talk about it?
®I don’t expect you to disappoint me. Let us find ways to make it right.
®I can survive even without you, but our children need you.
®I cannot allow this marriage to go on, but before breaking up, we must find alternative ways to save this marriage for the sake of our children.
A lasting marriage largely depend upon the spouses. What matters is their desire to make their marriage last, and nothing could ever make it collapse.